Tomorrow is Beta Day

Tomorrow is a big day. Big, big day. Tomorrow is the day we find out if this IVF cycle took or if we'll need to try again with one of our embies on ice. Miraculously, I have refrained from peeing on home pregnancy tests and it's not been easy. Most (and I truly do mean MOST) women going through IVF begin peeing on {pregnancy test} sticks (POS) about half way through their wait from transfer to beta day, but being the rule follower that I am (and also, I couldn't handle seeing the negative if that's what it's to be) I followed the clinic's instructions and have not tested at home. A down side to that is that I have NO CLUE what tomorrow's beta will be. When we found out we were pregnant in 2011, I had such strong symptoms that I felt comfortable taking an at-home test and it was positive, so when beta day arrived that next day, I knew it was going to come back positive, too. This time...my symptoms have been very few and sporadic, and truthfully, could all be explained away by the hormones I've been taking (estrogen and progesterone). So to say I'm anxious and fighting off feelings of doubt would be an understatement. Part of me wants to break down and take a home pregnancy test, just so I know what I'll be walking in to tomorrow. But the bigger part of me is afraid of what the result will be so then I think, why not wait another day? Which is what I'll do. Tomorrow will be here soon enough! ...yikes.

Answering that phone call from the clinic tomorrow with my beta results will be incredibly hard. Not having a strong sense of what's to be makes it doubly difficult. That phone call has the power to change our lives. If it's positive news, and if all goes well in the months ahead, we could welcome a child in to our family, at long last, in the Spring. If it's negative news...well, tomorrow will be a very hard day. I wish I had a better feeling about how tomorrow will go, but I don't. I wish I had something so "obvious" that helped me feel more optimistic than I do, but I don't. So it could truly go either way. We know that we have done absolutely everything in our power to help make this cycle a success. There is nothing that we could have done better, I really believe that. So I know that whatever the result, it's just what is meant to be, as hard as that may be to accept (and hopefully whatever is meant to be will be in our favor!). That being said, I'm really, really scared! But, doing my best to remain as optimistic as I can. J is doing great and has been a champ at keeping us both grounded in hope and the reality that it's not over till it's over, regardless of symptoms or lack thereof. We've just gone through so much and I've put my body through so much in the last month that if it's not a good result, it's going to be a very hard pill to swallow. We will try again, there is no question, but we'd obviously prefer to not have to. So please join us in sending out an extra burst of positive energy, prayer, vibes, etc through tomorrow!!

I will share the news, either way, sometime late tomorrow night, to give us a chance to process whatever the results turn out to be. And also, I have an event at work that goes until 8pm (real great, huh?) so I will need a chance to get home and to a computer!

In about 24 hours, I'll be on my way back to Bloomington from getting my blood drawn. And by tomorrow afternoon, we'll know if our golden embie implanted and if our journey is about to take a turn for the WONDERFUL. Oh please oh please oh please...