Mind Your Mind

I ran across this quote quite randomly yesterday but I loved it, so I saved it to call upon when I'm not doing the best job tending to my negative thoughts.

"Energy flows where your attention goes. What you think about will come about. Mind your mind."

Mind my mind. What a novel idea. Negativity will NOT be the underlying story of this process. Positive energy will. I started saying the following to myself, chanting it to myself when I feel less than optimistic: My body is a sacred vessel. I know that sounds uber religious of me, but I need to believe it. I need to believe that my body isn't broken, that it can do amazing things. It can grow our very own little miracle, if given the chance, and a chance it shall have.

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Updates:

1) Thursday, July 2, Dermatology appointment -- all moles and freckles are fine! The splotch on my nose is...a sun spot. So, facial sunscreen will become part of my morning routine. There has been a lot of chatter about good sunscreen vs. bad sunscreen so I did some research and found that the bad sunscreen has been shown to mess with hormone levels (mainly estrogen and progesterone) which is most definitely NOT what I need. So I found a good sunscreen option in Burt's Bees and am enjoying the delightful hibiscus and apple scent, while appreciating the benefits of the SPF 30.

2) Friday, July 3, acupuncture appointment -- my acupuncturist, Kate, is awesome! We spent a good while talking about why I was there, what I hoped to get out of acupuncture, and my fertility history. This particular acupuncture clinic specializes in fertility acupuncture, and it's the only one of its kind in the whole state. So I feel very fortunate that it's right across the hall from our fertility clinic! Kate will work in tandem with Dr. C, formulating my acupuncture treatments around where we are in the IVF process. The larger picture will be to try to calm any anxiety, encourage uterine lining growth and egg follicle growth, while combating any negative side effects from the medications (excessive bloating, headaches, abdominal pain, etc). I had my first treatment after my consultation and was so relaxed by the end, I couldn't believe it. I only felt two of the needles go in but the rest were virtually painless. I have another appointment on the 17th, and then during the follicle stimulation phase, per IVF treatment protocol, I will be seen two more times. Then I will have a treatment on embryo transfer day, with the final one in the week following. We feel really good about adding this to our process -- if the only thing it does is help me relax and keep my head in a good place, it will be money well spent.

3) Meds ORDERED!! -- thankfully, my period arrived on Thursday and I started taking my second and final birth control pack last night. So, as instructed I called the clinic this morning to order my meds. Of course, I had to leave a message (I have yet to call and actually speak to a nurse right away) but the nurse returned my call just about two hours later. Sherri (Dr. C's nurse) will place my medication order with the pharmacy and I will await a phone call directly from the pharmacy itself, at which time I will be required to make the payment for them in full. They are ordering five injectable meds: Follistim, Menopur, Ganirelix, HCG (hormone trigger shot I'll use 36 hours prior to egg retrieval), and progesterone shots. I just read through the side effects for each and let's just say I stand to be quite uncomfortable. It will ALL be worth it if it gets us our family!! I also had to make an appointment for J and me to get injection medication training, which will be Friday, July 17 at 10 am, which is also the same day as my next acupuncture visit. After spending an hour learning how to inject myself with hormones, I think relaxation will be in order...

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Things are happening and it seems a bit surreal. In reality, we've been inching our way towards this process for years, at times kicking and screaming -- we just weren't ready to give IVF a try when we were 26 and even though we're actually worse off now financially than we were then (by a lot, actually), we feel so much better about the whole thing. We've made peace with it, and we're actually getting excited about it! Even though it's scary, and even though there are so many unknowns yet to be figured out, and so much of this is wait and see how my body responds, and SO MUCH MONEY is being spent that we don't have, the fact that this could lead us to our family gives us the strength to keep soldiering on. For the first time in years we feel hopeful. We feel like there could be a miracle for us just around the corner, and we just have to keep moving steadily onward.

J has his oral exams tomorrow and will defend his doctoral dissertation on July 20 (!!). That following week, we will move in to our new home and I will start taking my meds -- yes, the very same week. In fact, this time next month, we could be readying for the egg retrieval. Seriously, it's that close. Yes, things are indeed happening. And we are so SO ready!